TANgo

           Okay, this is not about the Tango. This is about how I cannot seem to tan on my legs, despite spending hours outside, gardening.

          And I think I’ve finally figured it out. It’s because I’m not lying down, trying to get a tan, but up and about. 

          Here’s my science: The sun is overhead, right? So it tans my feet, with lovely flip flop stripes.

         It’s also happy to hit the point of my nose, which caused me to get MOHS skin cancer surgery there, a few years ago (just like Hugh Jackman).

          But the sun can’t hit my legs, unless it’s in a car, driving by.

          I think people who swim and surf are taking unfair advantage of the water reflections. There, I’ve said it.

          So next time you see someone with pale legs, just smile and say, “I’ll bet your garden looks great.”

          Be sure to subscribe to my Youtube Mom channel—every couple of weeks you’ll get a short, wonderful life hack!

SNAP! CRACKLE! POP! - No, it's not cereal

           Just today, St. Bob finally tells me that my enjoyment of Spike Jones was one of the things that attracted him to me.

          Seriously?  He was looking for someone who appreciated craziness? Well, apparently so.

          A high school friend introduced me to the comedy music of Spike Jones, but most people today have never heard his clever spoofs. I guess he was the Weird Al of the 1940s.  He was actually a very talented musician, but loved to include sound effects, such as gunshots, cowbells, whistles, hiccups, animal sounds and more, along with comedic vocals in his band’s tunes.

          He actually didn’t think it would catch on, but people loved his wild arrangements and he became a huge success on radio, TV, and in movies.

          I guess it’s no surprise that St. Bob, who began his own television career in junior high, as a clown who introduced cartoons on TV, would feel a kindred spirit with someone else who liked to make people laugh.

          Now I’m waiting for St. Bob to tell me another thing he liked about me was my ADHD, my klutziness, and my impatience. But I might have to settle for just the Spike Jones thing.

          Hey, are you caught up on all my Youtube Mom videos? I have hundreds of quick life hacks, you know. Subscribe and tell your friends to do the same, so I can hit 10,000!

                   

The Cat's Out of the Bag

           Some would say I have a problem (no, not whatever problem you just thought of). It’s that five various neighbor cats keep coming over and meowing to get inside and I let them in, and now my life is about watching for those cats.

          Okay, the last part of that is the problem. Our final pets passed away and I can’t endure another loss like that, so we have no new ones. However, I love to pet them and snuggle cats and dogs, so when I see a stray cat, I meow and wiggle my fingers so they’ll come over for a cheek scratch. And, I let them in.

          Word has evidently gotten out along the feline phone line, because now there are five who frequent my back yard. And it’s not to see the fairy garden.

Granted, we have tons of birds because I love gardening and we have trees where they like to sing. So maybe that’s why the cats are coming over. OR… they used to play with our cat, Simon, and they’re still looking for him.

           I let them in, and they act like house inspectors. Up the stairs, behind the curtains, under the sofas—they look everywhere (for Simon?)

I don’t feed them because I don’t want to steal someone else’s cat, but they still act like they have two homes now. I think they’d give me a five-star rating on Yelp. Or Meowlp.

           So… if you own one of these cats, let me know!

AND… be sure to subscribe to my Youtube Mom videos. Short, easy life hacks you’ll love to watch!

Pick a Car, Any Car

           I was sitting in traffic the other day, and thought about how each driver had chosen whatever they’re driving, probably came proudly home with it, maybe even called their friends to say they just bought a Nissan/Mustang/Range Rover/Audi/Chevy--  whatever.

          They liked the color, the seats, the options. And now here we are, expressing our preferences in a giant sea of choice.  It’s the same with shoes, haircuts, and food we order off a menu. I’ve always liked this freedom to choose and would dread living in a world where we were told THIS is your car

          And THESE are your shoes

          And THIS is what you have to eat.

          I know there are people in other countries without such freedoms, and I wish I could bring them here, take them to the salad dressing aisle at the grocery store, and say, “Pick whichever one you want.” Then do it with shoes, cars, and haircuts.

          Just saying. Freedom is pretty cool.

          Check out my free life hacks at my Youtube Mom channel. You can pick whichever one you’d like to watch.

Northern Lite

           I have always wanted to see the Northern Lights. I’ve been to Norway, Sweden, Finland, and Denmark, even traveled above the Arctic Circle. I’ve taken an Alaskan cruise. But do you think I’ve ever even glimpsed this marvel?

          No way.  Not only that, but I’m suddenly seeing posts by people in nearly every state in the Union—including California, where I live—but not once have I been able to catch a peek at this glorious display.

          I got poor St. Bob up at one in the morning one time, and made him drive all over Placer County, after hearing there would be a sighting.

          This is like searching for Big Foot, or the Loch Ness Monster, you know. I’m beginning to wonder if everyone is sharing AI pictures, and then snickering.

          There are several other space phenomena I’ve been hoping to spot-- A sun halo:

          A moonbow:

          Shooting stars (not the occasional one, but ones like this):

          And here I am, someone who is actually interested in astronomy! You’d think all these magnets and Alfvén waves and electrons would get their act together and offer a show for all of us. I’d even settle for a not-very-super nova.

          One time I took my eldest son to the Griffith Park Observatory to see Halley’s Comet, which circles around every 75 years or so. He was only two, though, and bumped the telescope, thus eliciting groans from everyone else in line while the scientists aligned it again. But at least he will live long enough to say he saw it twice, which was the whole point.

          But lucky you—without leaving your chair you can watch my Youtube Mom channel and marvel at all the life hacks on there! (And be sure to subscribe-- I'm going for 10K subscribers!)

Snap to it!

           Okay, I have a zillion dollar idea for you. Be at the leading edge of a new trend that will sweep the world: A line of clothes that only snap.

          Yes, folks, bump the buttons to the bin!

          The other day I put on one of St. Bob’s shirts, which closes with snaps.  Much faster to put on than having to find the button holes and pulling the button through.

          But the bonanza was that night when I took it off—pop, pop, pop and DONE.  My mind began calculating how many days of my life I have wasted fussing with buttons.

          And then what if a button falls off?  A big hassle to find it (or find a replacement) and then sew it back on. Snaps don’t do this. They stay on and make life more joyful with their happy little sound.

          You feel like a spy, or a stage actor, suddenly ripping off your disguise in two seconds. It’s magical. And logical. Why have we fallen for the Button Barons all these years?

          And why do you think babies’ onesies close with buttons? Because nobody wants to fool with time-consuming, frustrating buttons when dressing a wiggly baby.

          So now you know a side gig you can have, which could grow into an empire.  You’re welcome. (And let me know, so I can buy your snappy clothes!)

Even more amazing tips await you at my Youtube Mom channel. Be sure to subscribe!

Laser Focus on This, Will You?

           You know those guys who have a white beard all year so they can play Santa?

          Well, I must be hoping to play Rudolph, because I’ve had a red nose since my MOHS skin cancer surgery 6 years ago.

          It’s become redder and redder, so I finally decided to get laser treatment. The doctor couldn’t have been kinder, smarter, or faster (you know I like fast).

          “I can do it right now,” she said. “It will feel like the snap of a rubber band.”

          THIS WAS THE UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE CENTURY.  It did not feel like a rubber band. More like a marching band.  Seriously, it felt like sticking your nose into a wasp’s nest. And we have to admit, the stings would serve you right. 

          I nearly jumped out of my chair. She had to tell me to stop holding my breath. The pain was excruciating, but then you know I have big baby nerve endings, and even sipping a soda feels too prickly to me.

          Finally a cold pack came, then a cooling cream, and I was on my way home. I should expect two or three weeks of keeping gel on it and avoiding the public.

But I did not actually plan for this procedure today, because right now I have a dental appointment, followed by a temple appointment. Then tomorrow a bone scan, visitors, then a dinner engagement with another couple. And on the third day I’m delivering a meal to someone in the church, followed by a big party for the women that night.

On it goes, swollen nose, oh such woes, to my toes, no photos, I must close.

But, lucky you, you can sit and enjoy life hacks on my Youtube Mom videos. By the way, I’m trying to get 10K subscribers, so please sign up and tell your friends to do the same. 😊